Source. Ramadan Mubarak1 to all my Muslim readers. May this month be full of blessings for all of us and our families. I might be slow at blogging the next month, because I want to use this time to strengthen my faith and get more knowledge about this religion that I was born into. I do have a few ideas for some guest posts though for this month, and hopefully if they go as planned, it’ll be
To grandparents and the endless memories.
Picture Credits: Waliya Najib, my sweet sister.
It was my grandparents wedding anniversary some days ago, and it reminded me of their beautiful love story that one day I will write about. But also that I have never talked about these two biggest inspirations of my and my family’s life. My nana jaan and my nani jaan1 have made us what we are today. Without them in our lives, and without the
Happy 4th of July.
Happy 4th of July to all my American friends. As I read more about what this day signifies, I realized that more than anything, this day signifies democracy. Also these words below, Let the images from Egypt remind us of what we are celebrating, and how far we have come... With wonder and awe we saw the fireworks tonight in our own land, standing shoulder to shoulder with people speaking
My Baby is Kind of an A$$hole...
I got a lot of great feedback from the breastfeeding post. Apparently, most people get it. They experienced it and they can commiserate. So, at the risk of sounding like I just like to bitch constantly (which is probably pretty true at the moment), I thought I'd go a little farther out on that same limb. Call CPS on me if you want. At this point it just sounds a lot like free babysitting. I'm going to be honest with people and share another little "gem" that I think rings true for most people but that just doesn't get talked about- I don't like my baby.
There. I said it. I don't really like the kid. Not yet. I assumed birth would be this magic moment and I would get that rush of oxytocin and fall in love. I would spend hours staring at him and nuzzling his head and kissing his little face. And then he was born, which was cool because this tiny person came out of my vagina, but nothing really happened. Nothing clicked. And now, almost 3 weeks later, I still have this little person hanging around.
Don't get me wrong, for a baby he is pretty cool. We are finally getting this nursing thing down so he is sleeping better and for 2-3 hour stretches now. He only fusses when he is hungry for the most part (he just happens to be hungry all. the. damn. time.) Overall he is pretty easy going...for a baby. It's the baby part that's the hang up. Babies are kind of assholes. They scream at you, drink too much, puke everywhere, then pass out- like a really shitty college roommate. He'll fall asleep at the boob, lose the nipple, then get pissed at ME because suddenly the milk is gone. Or start thrashing around with my nipple in his mouth. Or kick the living crap out of me while nursing. Or claw me with those godforsaken razor blades they call fingernails. He doesn't do anything fun or interesting yet. He smiles really cute sometimes...but usually that means he's about to shit his pants. Right now, he's just a demanding little bottomless pit. And he smells bad. Like milk and sweat (both of which are probably mine, but whatever. I KNOW I smell bad).
Now, I know he doesn't do any of this stuff on purpose. It's just the baby thing. But that hasn't stopped me from looking up one-way plane tickets. Or fantasizing about driving off into the sunset. Or threatening to let him starve on multiple occasions. Or begging Joey to let me put him up for adoption. Honestly, the thing holding me back is usually that I will miss Joey too much. And that then he'd have to eat shitty formula (food is kind of my 'thing'). So I stay and nurse him. And then he falls asleep and looks all adorable and I figure, I can probably do this after all. And I know it will get better. It's just that...I don't really know this person yet. And save the "what did you expect/ you got yourself into this" bullshit. Yeah, I know. I knew babies would be kind of a time suck. But I don't think it's really possible to KNOW until you have one. Or at least not with the way most people talk about it. So I'm sure we will get to know each other better and then it will be all soul-gazing and fireworks. But right now he's rooting on Joey's chest, which means I'm up to bat, and I really just want to go hide in the closet.
*He really is a pretty cool baby. It's not his fault we aren't hitting it off right off the bat. It's just a mixture of a lot of things- like breastfeeding trouble, lack of sleep, and a loss of autonomy. We are just going through an adjustment period right now. But Joey is taking great care of us, and I know it's getting better. But don't think you're weird if you don't fall head over heels in love with your baby immediately. You're not. Babies are just assholes sometimes.
There. I said it. I don't really like the kid. Not yet. I assumed birth would be this magic moment and I would get that rush of oxytocin and fall in love. I would spend hours staring at him and nuzzling his head and kissing his little face. And then he was born, which was cool because this tiny person came out of my vagina, but nothing really happened. Nothing clicked. And now, almost 3 weeks later, I still have this little person hanging around.
Don't get me wrong, for a baby he is pretty cool. We are finally getting this nursing thing down so he is sleeping better and for 2-3 hour stretches now. He only fusses when he is hungry for the most part (he just happens to be hungry all. the. damn. time.) Overall he is pretty easy going...for a baby. It's the baby part that's the hang up. Babies are kind of assholes. They scream at you, drink too much, puke everywhere, then pass out- like a really shitty college roommate. He'll fall asleep at the boob, lose the nipple, then get pissed at ME because suddenly the milk is gone. Or start thrashing around with my nipple in his mouth. Or kick the living crap out of me while nursing. Or claw me with those godforsaken razor blades they call fingernails. He doesn't do anything fun or interesting yet. He smiles really cute sometimes...but usually that means he's about to shit his pants. Right now, he's just a demanding little bottomless pit. And he smells bad. Like milk and sweat (both of which are probably mine, but whatever. I KNOW I smell bad).
Now, I know he doesn't do any of this stuff on purpose. It's just the baby thing. But that hasn't stopped me from looking up one-way plane tickets. Or fantasizing about driving off into the sunset. Or threatening to let him starve on multiple occasions. Or begging Joey to let me put him up for adoption. Honestly, the thing holding me back is usually that I will miss Joey too much. And that then he'd have to eat shitty formula (food is kind of my 'thing'). So I stay and nurse him. And then he falls asleep and looks all adorable and I figure, I can probably do this after all. And I know it will get better. It's just that...I don't really know this person yet. And save the "what did you expect/ you got yourself into this" bullshit. Yeah, I know. I knew babies would be kind of a time suck. But I don't think it's really possible to KNOW until you have one. Or at least not with the way most people talk about it. So I'm sure we will get to know each other better and then it will be all soul-gazing and fireworks. But right now he's rooting on Joey's chest, which means I'm up to bat, and I really just want to go hide in the closet.
*He really is a pretty cool baby. It's not his fault we aren't hitting it off right off the bat. It's just a mixture of a lot of things- like breastfeeding trouble, lack of sleep, and a loss of autonomy. We are just going through an adjustment period right now. But Joey is taking great care of us, and I know it's getting better. But don't think you're weird if you don't fall head over heels in love with your baby immediately. You're not. Babies are just assholes sometimes.
Celebrating loved ones.
The hardest part about living so far from your family is not able to be there for the little and big occasions of our lives. Weddings and birthdays and anniversaries and family reunions etc. I have finally made my peace with it though and accepted that since that is not possible, we have to figure out our ways to celebrate our loved ones from far.
So I am constantly on the lookout for ideas.
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